If you’re not reading Jeff Johnson and David Roth’s brilliant, goofy, reference-abounding conversational NFL columns—twice weekly on GQ.com—you probably should. A brief sample below.
David: On the last of Tony Romo’s pick-sixes—and it’s amazing that no one has talked about this more—his entire offensive line was dressed as beekeepers.
Jeff: I would have loved to have seen that game. They were up by over 145 points.
David: I haven’t seen them yet, either. Highlights don’t count, because anything with Chris Berman on it right now is basically experimental theater. “Devin Hester, 97 yards for the touchdown. I RODE THROUGH THE DESERT ON A HORSE WITH NO NAME. And then the Packers come back, Aaron Rodgers to Jordy Nelson (and we’re already on another game’s highlight now) for the touchdown and it’s DOO DOO DOO LOOKING OUT MY BACK DOOR and Clemson beats the Red Sox 17-5.”
David: But I gather that there are a few minutes in every Lions game in which Calvin Johnson grows to 11 feet in height and just scores two touchdowns.
Jeff: Yes, that is true.
David: He starts making the Bionic Man sound when he jumps.
Jeff: And it is an instant 14-point reversal.
David: If Berman starts making the Bionic Man sound when Johnson does things, I will quit television forever. Go do some sexting/meditation with Brody Jenner or something. That may be true if Berman keeps making sounds, period.
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